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You’re Apologizing Too Much



Friends, hear me out. You’re all apologizing too much. At this point, most of you are apologizing for existing, and I encourage you to start keeping track of what it is you’re actually apologizing for.

 

Examples of things NOT to apologize for:

●      Being too short to reach something on a shelf

●      Sneezing, or any other involuntary action

●      Farting during yoga

 

Example of things TO apologize for:

●      Shouting “boo!” if a pastor’s joke doesn’t land during a sermon

●      Laughing at your neighbor for putting beans in their chili

●      Blaming a fart on the person next to you during yoga

 

I’m guilty of this, too, but I’m grateful to my therapist for teaching me thought reframing skills. You may have even heard me calling you out for apologizing. But the truth is, I actually learned at a young age not to apologize if I wasn’t actually sorry.

 

Let me tell you a story. One day, when I was little, my sister and I were home alone. At this point in my life, I had an extreme fear of the film E.T. (I don’t care that it’s a children’s film, that little shell-less tortoise better not come anywhere near me.) That day she put me in a dark closet, tied me to a chair, and put E.T. on a small TV. I fought like hell to get out of the closet, and once I did, I picked up a nearby wooden rocking horse, and chucked it at my sister. When my parents returned home, I was put in timeout. Mind you, I didn’t tell them what my sister did because I’m not a narc, and sister rules run deep. However, I was told I couldn’t leave timeout until I apologized. As the story goes, I continually exclaimed “I’m not gonna say I’m sorry.” Eventually, I told my parents that while they taught me to apologize, they also taught me not to lie. Had I apologized, it would have been a lie because the truth is, I wasn’t sorry. I was not sorry for advocating for myself. Eventually, I was let out of timeout. And several years later, during a family vacation, my sister and I shared the true story. There was a combination of laughter and vindication, and ultimately, I remain proud of standing by my convictions.

 

All this is to say, you’re apologizing too much for being human, and you deserve to give yourself grace. Stop apologizing for taking up space. Recognize the sacredness of your true apologies. Your intentions matter. There are instances when we really do miss the mark, and we’ve wounded our relationships. That is where your energy should go, not towards all the beautiful things that make you an imperfect human, not for the times when you stand up for yourself.

 

Stop apologizing for who you are. Stop apologizing for being exhausted. Stop apologizing for taking time for yourself. Stop apologizing for turning off your Zoom camera to go “Ugh, this could have been an email.” Just stop. I’m not going to apologize for being human, and neither should you.

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