People of the In-Between

Easter season is a time of expectation that lasts seven weeks from Easter Sunday to Pentecost. The season invites us into great joy and anticipation. We are a church that knows Christ has risen, indeed! And now, the waiting begins. We wait on Christ’s reign, where it is on Earth as it is in Heaven. But what do we do in the meantime? We are excited to move forward and share God’s message of redemption, but uncertain about our own role in this new era. We have received the gift of salvation in Christ, yet we are still here, in an imperfect world full of unknowns.

Lately, I’ve felt overwhelmed with messages about joyful resistance. The idea that we must choose joy, defiantly, as an active counter to the darkness threatening to swallow us all. But joy is something I struggle to let myself experience. When I am joyful, it brings with it guilt. Guilt that my life is full of things to be joyful about, when so many others are facing unimaginable circumstances. Yet, I feel a sense of responsibility to be joyful for the same reason. If I am privileged to have so much to be joyful about, I'd better get busy experiencing it.

As someone with a long history of clinical depression and anxiety, I also struggle to trust my own emotions. Is the joy I’m experiencing real? Is it my medications or is it the love, friendship, and life pouring into me? Rationally, I know it’s both. My brain relies on the medications to stabilize itself, allowing me to fully experience the wonderful things happening around me. But that doesn’t stop my emotional self from questioning it all. The guilt of joy and the distrust of joy are two very different problems, requiring different tools to address. I name them here because I don’t think I am alone in these experiences.

These internal struggles aren’t the only obstacle. American culture denies us the time to process complex emotions. Despite a growing movement toward openness, we are still pushed to get over our feelings quickly and move on. This is especially true when those emotions are things like anger, fear, and disgust, sparked by the daily atrocities. We are forced forward by the demands of life, often confronted with a new story, and new emotions, before we’ve ever processed the last.

Where do we go from here? Just like the early church, I am uncertain about the next steps. But I’ll share some things I’m trying. First, don’t shy away from the paradox; allow yourself to experience joy while naming the injustices you encounter. Second, stay rooted in a life with God that sustains your spirit. We cannot attempt to fix the world if we have nothing left to give. Simple, right? But really, find what keeps you connected to God’s presence. It won’t be neat, and you won’t get it right on the first try. Lastly, trust that Christ is already here, alive and within us all. Lean into that. The gift of Easter is knowing that Christ’s journey with us is not over.

May you experience all life has to offer.

Do not turn away from it.

Let Christ’s light shine from within you,

and you bear holy witness to the world.